Currently Playing Details By Frou Frou see related

So you cocked your head, to shoot me down, and I don't give a shit about you or this town no more.

This is my last Xanga entry.

I'm abandoning it and starting new.

I will miss the three of who actually read this.

king of hearts....

Currently Playing Mare Vitalis By Appleseed Cast see related

You know, its a small thing to do it, but it means the world to me.

I appreciate when you take time to show an amount of interest in something I enjoy and love.

Even if I'm not that good.

Thank you. I love you.

Sorry for not writing sooner.  I've been self-absorbed
lately.  (What else is new?)  Tammy told me about Nan
I am going to try and see her today.  I have no idea
what to say to her except that I love her very much.
I still have your swords and I can send you mine if
you'd like it.  I think that it would inspire you more
than it would me.  I've been working very hard to try
and earn enough money to get another car.  We killed
the Toyota I bought but I just won an auction on an
identical car in NH.  It has low mileage and I got it
for a song.  I trust that you are probably getting
ready to evacute so I'll keep it short.  I miss you
all very much and this empty nest syndrome is such a
challenge.  I always thought that I couldn't wait for
you to be on your own but I find that I miss you very
much.  I often think of all the difficult things we
had to do just to stay together.  Stay safe and always
know that I love you and that I miss you.

all i can say is that it makes me cry, hes my father, and no matter what i love him to death, i love that mad so much, even after it all.  tonight i swear i have a demon growing in my chest, is about to escape, and i dont exactly know how it got there.  i am so much like that man and i havent lived with him or been in the same presence as him for more than a week in over 8 years, we both talk the same way, i act like him, im a stubborn and knowitall obnoxious little asshole just like him, and i love it.  i love who i am because of him, he means the fucking world to me but i could never tell him, it burns, my face, my eyes. to read it burns my heart, it burns my mind. every day i think about the end, think about how life gets tougher as i get older, he welched out on me, and im following those same footsteps. i need him right now, i need my friends right now, i need life to spring from within this demon in my chest and bring me back to life. bring us back to life. give me something to look forward to. make me see that the light at the end of the tunnel isnt some asshole with a lighter trying to make you believe that his philosophy is key. damn it im lonely. and so is he. how can this all make so much sense but still be the hidden in plain sight? all i have is what i hold in my hands, i have the want, but i dont have the will, its too hard. these tears i cry every day are beginning to feel hard like stones, and my eyes are leaving this painful reminance, i cry to make myself feel better, but i think im making my tears feel alot more needed, i push them back too much. fuck....im sorry dad....im sorry everyone

Currently Playing Fevers & Mirrors By Bright Eyes see related

Kailey I know you already posted this a while back but I really love these lyrics, they remind me of how good conor can write when he's not such an asshole. 

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?  And does he sing to
you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall?  Does he walk around all day at
school with his feet inside your shoes?  Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with
you. Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry
through broken sentences like I love you far too much?  Does he lay awake listening to your
breath?  Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes.  Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor? 
For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won’t ever see but most hold inside
yourself eternally.  I drug your ghost across the country and we plotted out my death.  In every
city, memories would whisper, Here is where you rest.  I was determined in Chicago but I dug
my teeth into my knees and I settled for a telephone and sang into your machine.  You are my
sunshine, my only sunshine I kissed a girl with a broken jaw that her father gave to her.  She
had eyes bright enough to burn me.  They reminded me of yours.  In a story told she was a little
girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was
concealed.  And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.  And it stretched for centuries to a
diary entry’s end where I wrote, You make me happy when the skies are gray You make me
happy the skies are gray and gray and gray.  Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open
chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself but I will not weep for those
dying days.  For all the ones who have left there are a few that stayed.  And they found me here
and pulled me from the grass where I was laid. 

No one respects my fucking opinion.

I'm screaming so softly in your fucking face, and your silence is piercing my ears.

I'll just end up apoligizing for you not caring.

you've killed the best of me

king of hearts...